Lessons in Piracy
by Omega Overlord
Summary: Larxene is frustrated with inactivity. Luxord is the only other nobody not doing anything. He teaches her the reason he always goes to Port Royal... and then some. ONESHOT


Disclaimer: I do not own any characters of Kingdom Hearts or Disney within.

Larxene sat in the waiting room, almost praying that Xemnas would have something for her to do. It had been over three weeks since she had gone anywhere and she was starting to lose it. She had caught herself talking to people that weren't there… whistling odd tunes she had never heard… even laughing for no reason out of nowhere. That's why she was eagerly waiting for Xemnas to finish giving out assignments to the others, frustrated that she, number 12, was almost last to get a job. She watched Luxord walk out, pump his fist in the air, and walk off. Odds were that the Gambler of Fate had gotten what he liked best, down time.

Marluxia walked out of Xemnas's office, looked over at her, "good luck."

She sprang up and sprinted past Marluxia with a passing, "thanks."

She runs inside and was surprised to see Xigbar sitting where Saix usually sat, shuffling papers with an air of irritation.

She starts to laugh but stops herself, "the hell are you doing behind a desk?"

Xigbar glares up at her, "Saix is off berserking through the city. I get to dole out the assignments until the Lunar Diviner gets back."

She tones down the irritation, upsetting Xigbar would get her nowhere, literally, "so… is there anything for me?"

Xigbar shuffles through some of the papers, "… nope. Guess you're just shit out of luck. Again."

She has to try very, VERY hard to not launch into a berserk frenzy of her own. Because Xigbar could easily outmatch her in combat and she didn't want to lose face.

Instead she took a deep breath and asked, "… how many others have nothing to do?"

Xigbar picks up a piece of paper and squints at it, "… only Luxord… yep, just the Gambler."

She mutters under her breath, "damn."

Xigbar apparently heard her, "what? Just pissed off because the only one off duty is one of us that isn't afraid of you?"

She deigned to not respond and stomped out the door. Now what the hell was she going to do? She didn't think she could stand another week of doing nothing… she'd go insane before Thursday. It appeared to her that the only option she had was to be around… Luxord. The guy hung around pirates, which meant he was a drunk, stupid, and greedy bastard. But… poor company was better than no company.

She slowly made her way to Luxord's room in the Proof of Existence. She didn't even bother knocking and barged in… a sharp object flew and severed her bangs before boomeranging back to Luxord, who was idly watching a clock.

She caught her severed pieces of hair inches above the floor, "you bastard!"

Luxord didn't even look at her, "knock next time you wish to interject yourself into my presence and maybe I won't cut off something more valuable to you."

She crosses her arms in front of her chest, "keep your cards away from me."

Luxord flips a coin, "please, if I were referring to your non-existent bust I would have said that. I was alluding to your coat."

That added insult to injury for her, "fine, I guess I'll find someone else to be around."

As she turns to leave Luxord comments, "and exactly who else would you be spending your 'valuable' time with? Everyone else is gone."

She froze and clapped a hand to her fore head, "damn… ok then. Entertain me."

Luxord looks at her, "and just what did you have in mind for 'entertainment'?"

She hears innuendo in his voice, "definitely not what you're thinking you prick."

Luxord chuckles, "not what I was thinking at all. I was merely going to suggest going somewhere."

She glared at the Gambler, "and where would I ever go with you?"

Luxord stood, "there are all kinds of places we could go…"

She cut him off, "I'm not going anywhere with you."

Luxord gives her a look, "really? How about a little wager then? I win you go, you win… I'm sure you could think of something."

Boredom drove her to say immediately, "deal."

Luxord pulled out a coin, "call it in the air."

The coin went up, she shouted, "heads."

Luxord caught the coin, flipped it… tails.

The Gambler of Fate smiled at her, "I win."

She holds out her hand, "let me see that coin…"

Luxord tosses the coin at her. She carefully examined both sides…

Anger filled her voice, "this coin is tails on both sides!"

Luxord pulls out another coin, "and if you had called tails this is the coin I would have used."

Sparks start jumping between her fingers, "you cheated."

Luxord stares her down, "and how could I have cheated when there were no rules specified?"

She was at a loss for words so she just spun around and pouted, "hmph."

Luxord paused for a moment, "well? Are you going to break your word?"

She remained silent.

Luxord grabs her by the hood, "well that just won't do at all."

She screams with anger while Luxord drags her though a portal and hits her over the head. She drops unconscious…

After an unknown amount of time spent out cold she became aware of rough wood supporting her face and back. She slowly raised her head and gazed around at the inside of a poorly lit shanty building with scantily clad women running around, serving huge flagons of some drink to rowdy patrons.

She mumbled, "where the hell am I?"

A voice comes from behind her, "you are currently sitting in 'Nancy's Harbor Café' in Port Royal."

She looks around again before replying, "…it's a bar."

Luxord takes a small sip from a wooden cup, "if you wish to call it that… then yes."

She began to stand, "I'm out of here."

Luxord holds up one of his fingers, there was a small white string attached, "now don't be too hasty Larxene… you wouldn't want to have a wardrobe malfunction now would you?"

She reached around to her back and felt for the zipper to her coat… there was a string attached…

She glared at Luxord… and sat down, "…fine… you win."

Luxord took another small sip from his mug, "I don't see why you hate pirates. They almost are as cruel as you when it comes to torture."

She scoffs, "pirates?!? As cruel as me??? Please."

Luxord nods and calls out to the crowd, "Mr. Gibbs!"

A pirate in the throng moves over to the table, "aye? Ah master Luxord! It be good to see ya again!"

Luxord shakes the hand offered by the pirate, "you as well Mr. Gibbs. Now, could you explain to my young friend here the nuances of marooning?"

Mr. Gibbs looks quickly between Luxord and her, "aye I think I can do that. Now look here lass, when a pirate is marooned he is given a pistol with one shot, ONE shot! Now that ain't much use for hunting or trying to be rescued, but after three weeks of a starving belly and thirst, that pistol starts to look real friendly." Gibbs mimes putting a gun to his head.

Her eyes went wide, "…wow… that is cruel…"

Luxord chuckles, "how about 'keelhauling'?"

Gibbs cringes, "oh that one… you tie the scoundrel to a rope, throw him off the front of a ship, wait until one of your mates can see him out the back of the ship, and drag his worthless carcass back up onto the ship. Have you any idea what it would feel like to get run over by a huge galleon?"

She imagined something the size of a whale falling on her, "… something like that…"

Another pirate walks over to the table, "ye forgot my favorite."

Luxord sees the other man, "ah, Captain Barbossa, do enlighten us will you?"

Barbossa laughs, "it be my pleasure. First, you throw the bilge rat in a large canvas sack, then into the bag along with him, you throw in a cat, a dog, and a monkey. Tie off the top of the bag and throw the whole lot overboard. Not only be the bastard drowning, he be gettin mauled by three drowning animals!" Barbossa starts laughing evilly.

She shivers at the though of what kind of sick mind could come up with something like that.

Barbossa leans in behind her, "tell me Luxord, who be your friend here?" The pirate pinches her rear.

She yells, "Hands off pervert!" She stabs a fistful of her knives into Barbossa's chest.

Barbossa looks down at the knives sticking out of his chest… and pulls them all out, "I'm curious, after killing me what is it you were planning on doing next?"

Luxord sees her astonished look, "they're cursed Larxene. They cannot die."

Barbossa drops all of her knives onto the table, "aye… that be the truth. Till we can lift the curse we enjoy what few comforts that we can."

She was slightly confused, "but you can't die… isn't that a good thing?"

Barbossa glares at her, and sticks his hand into a beam of moonlight coming in from outside, his hand became skeletal and decrepit, "not this way wench. I feel nothin… not the wind on my face nor the spray of the sea. I AM dead… and I yearn to be alive again." The pirate spun on his heel and moved back off into the crowd.

Luxord gave her a look, "now you see why I choose to while away the hours here? The men of Barbossa's crew are like you and I… only worse. But the others… they are ordinary men that simply try to live each day as if it were their last. Whether by excessive drink or brawling."

She glances at the mug Luxord was holding, "… if that's the case then why haven't you ordered me one of those?"

Luxord blinks a few times, "… this is VERY strong stuff Larxene. I thought it prudent to not take the chance that you would not be able to stomach it."

She gives the Gambler a glare, "I'll decide if I can stomach it or not, thanks very much."

Luxord shrugs, "your choice. Mr. Gibbs, get my friend here a mug of the 'old spice' if you would."

Gibbs gives her an odd look for a moment, shrugs, and disappears into the crowd for about sixty seconds. When the pirate returned and set the mug in front of her the noise died down and she was acutely aware that every eye in the bar was now on her. Was this 'old spice' really THAT strong? Her pride however, would not let her chicken out with every eye in the bar on her. She raised the mug and downed all of it in three gulps… The conversation around resumed but she still caught the odd glance sent her way.

She sat in silence for a moment before Luxord spoke, "well? Are you feeling alright?"

She most definitely did NOT feel alright. The drink was currently burning its way down through her and igniting every nerve along the way with nausea.

She began to sway in her seat, "…no…"

Luxord stood, helped her up by the arm, and led her outside. To the jeers of all the drunk pirates inside.

Luxord led her out onto the docks. Where she threw up everything she had ever eaten.

Luxord rubbed her back as she heaved, "this is my fault. I should have insisted against your stubbornness."

She spoke in between the lurches of her stomach, "why the hell are you apologizing? I was stupid… end of story."

Luxord handed her a cup of water, "yes, but I was the one to bring you here."

She doesn't reply, instead she focuses on wallowing in her own misery.

Luxord lets out a sigh, "well… at least the scenery is lovely..."

She looks up at the Gambler, "…it's only the ocean…"

Luxord chuckles, "I wasn't talking about the sea Larxene."

After a few seconds she realized what Luxord was talking about, "… I thought you weren't interested."

Luxord starts to laugh, "what? Because of some playful jest? My dear, that only makes the chase more enjoyable."

She groans and leans on him, "one condition."

Luxord wraps his arm around her shoulders, "yes?"

She smirks up at him, "never let me drink any 'old spice' ever again."


End file.
